As moms we are the center of the family. It all reverts back to us eventually. And sometimes it feels good to be so needed, so wanted. To be in the middle of it all. The person that everyone comes to when they need something. But other days it’s an awful lot to hold onto. One child has a tummy ache and doesn’t want to go to school. Another is having trouble with math. Your husband seems stressed about a new boss. You are worried about a shake down in your own office. Everyone is talking at you at the same time. And you just want to run. When is this going to get better? When the kids are 10? 15? 20? Can you make it that long?
This mom gig is a marathon, not a sprint, for sure - though sprinting in spurts is also required! It’s hard to keep it going at the same pace over the entire course of our children’s lives. In fact, it’s near impossible. The pace of modern family life is plain crazy. We look forward to summer to restore us and somehow that just does not happen. There’s always something going on and before we know it, it’s fall again. The month of insanity ensues (aka September) and we pivot this way, that way, back again the other way to get the family onto some semblance of a straight course for the school year. Just in time for the holidays. We slog through the COVID spikes and winter weather blues and, before we know it, it’s summer again. It can get to feel a bit relentless. Year after year. Progress is steady, but slow. You get it all done, of course. But at what cost.
Of course, we know there’s no such thing as a vacation when you are a mom. We may take trips, but not vacations. Because family life is always ON. No one is going to give permission to take the time to reassess your priorities and figure out what, if anything, you might like to differently to preserve yourself (just a teeny little bit). Only you can do that. Taking a break from social media – maybe just certain hours of the day, or on the weekends – can be a start. There are so many voices out there talking to us all day and night. It’s hard to hear your own voice in the midst of all the noise. Turning it to silent is probably something only you will notice. Limited impact on the family. Try it. You may like it.
What about reassessing the basics: sleeping, eating and exercising. As a moms our biology programs us from the earliest days of motherhood to be attentive to the rest of the family’s needs in these areas. But what about you? How much are you scrimping on your sleep to squeeze in a few hours of work or a few stolen minutes of “me” time when the house is still? Could you try going to sleep just a half hour earlier for now? If getting calmed down enough to go to sleep or staying asleep is an issue what are you doing to address this? Again, if someone else in the house was having a sleep issue, you would be on it. You know it. You need to do the same for you.
Do you make time to eat your meals? Or, if you’re skipping, is this because of time? Weight management concerns? Are you trying to eat reasonably healthy at least some of the time? What about exercise. Maybe you hate to exercise. But what small thing can you take on and stick to? Burnout is real for moms. Recovery starts with looking at what you are doing every day and making small changes. Talk back to your resistance. You are deserving. You can, and should, make room for yourself on the family agenda. Because you matter.
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