Misery loves company, or so they say. And, certainly, if you are going through a tough time, it can help to know that you’re not alone. That this difficulty that you’re experiencing is not unique to you. That there are other people out there who are facing some of the same struggles and dilemmas.
We’ve all seen during the pandemic how connecting with others has helped us weather all of the unprecedented changes in our daily lives. Hearing about how other people are being impacted by the pandemic – and how they are adapting to all the changes – has helped many of us pull through the spring and summer. As we head into winter, we’re starting to grapple with understanding and responding to some of more long-lasting changes that the pandemic has force upon us.
There’s some data emerging that suggests that in the midst of the pandemic many couples have experienced growth in their relationships. With less time and energy absorbed with long commutes and travel for work, couples have had more time to spend together doing simple things like cooking and maintaining the home. There’s been an incredible increase in family time. And there’s been ample opportunity to revisit the division of household tasks – a sore spot in many a marriage (Wilcox & Stone, 2020).
However, other couples who are spending more time together have come to the realization that they no longer share the same life goals. There is then a difficult decision to separate, which may be accompanied by some ambivalence over the loss of what was still the comforting presence of another as we continue social isolation.
It has been reported that job loss, housing, co-parenting and health concerns have also increased separation rates and divorce filings. Some relationships that had been stressed prior to the pandemic have simply not been able to weather all the challenges. Behaviors or beliefs that were more easily ignored in the hustle and bustle of pre-pandemic life became a no-go once partners were forced to rely more solely upon each other, day in and day out (Brooks, 2020 and Ward, 2020).
With courts re-opened and and hearings occurring on Zoom, anxiety and high conflict are common place. The coronavirus interjects new variables into parenting decisions: differences in how each partner runs his or her new household now include each person’s individual risk assessment and the extent to which each person is “careful” about adhering to protocols like mask-wearing, social distancing, expansion of the “bubble,” and “sanitation.” The uncertainty of not being able to plan around defined school schedules and activities for children, as well as lack of information concerning when many professionals will return to working outside the home is complicating decision-making. Financial choices may seem like a landmine, with no clear answers as to when our lives may resume something resembling our prior “normal.”
Spending the upcoming winter in isolation in your new basement studio apartment as a newly separated or divorce person will not be helpful to keeping feelings of loneliness, sadness, resentment and depression at bay. If you had once thought replacing your partner was merely a swipe away on a dating app, COVID 19 has certainly complicated that pathway to happiness. So, if you’re finding yourself in the midst of a coronavirus separation or divorce, make sure that you shore up your emotional support network. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
Brooks, K. (2020). ‘Considering a coronavirus divorce? You’re in good company.’ The New York Times. October 1, 2020. Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/01/opinion/sunday/divorce-marriage-coronavirus.html. (Accessed October 24, 2020.
Ward, T. (2020). ‘Breaking up in the time of covid brings new challenges. Cnn.com. October 22, 2020. Available at: https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/22/health/divorce-separation-covid-19-pandemic-wellness/index.html. (Accessed October 24, 2020)
Wilcox, W.B. & Stone, L (2020). ‘Divorce is down, despite covid 19.’ The Washington Post. October 21, 2020. Available at: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/10/21/divorce-is-down-despite-covid-19/?arc404=true. (Accessed October 24, 2020.)