Divorce Counseling in Newton, Massachusetts

Divorce impacts body, mind and soul. The reality is that no one makes a lifetime commitment to another with the idea that this will end. What’s more, the emotional pain of this experience makes it all the more difficult to think clearly at exactly the moment when you need to make some of the most important decisions of your life.  

Even when you know that ending your marriage is the right decision, the reality of getting there can be complicated. There may be grief, anger, fear, relief, uncertainty – or even all of these at once. You may be trying to understand what happened while also struggling to figure out what comes next. And just to add fuel to the fire, unlike many other losses, divorce often requires you to remain in regular contact with the very person you may be least interested in continuing to know. 

facing the new reality 

There can be a significant gulf between an awareness that the relationship is ending and actually taking the steps that lead to letting go of the life you thought you were going to have. Even when separation is necessary, there can be grief for the loss of the marriage, the family structure, the home you shared and the future you imagined. You may miss the person you thought you would grow old with. You may feel relief and sadness in the same week - or the same afternoon. 

There can also be a great deal of uncertainty as you grapple with important questions: Did I make the right decision? What will my life look like now? What will this mean for my children? You don't have to resolve all of those questions before you can begin moving forward. But having a place to talk honestly about them can make it easier to understand what you are feeling and what you need. 

emotional ambivalence 

Divorce can bring out feelings you may not recognize in yourself. You may find yourself angrier than you expected, more frightened than you want to admit, or overwhelmed by decisions that once would have seemed manageable. 

You may also feel things that seem contradictory. You can be relieved that the marriage is ending and still grieve its loss. You can be certain that you don't want to remain married and still wish things had turned out differently. Each person’s experience of this moment is unique, so it can seem like there are no clear answers to some of the most troubling questions.  

Therapy isn't about talking yourself out of difficult emotions or getting to a place where you are completely okay with what is happening. Sometimes it’s about having enough space to understand what is underneath the anger, fear, or grief that you are experiencing so those emotions don't end up making every decision for you.

Still Parenting Together 

When children are involved, divorce doesn't mean that your relationship with your former spouse simply disappears. The marriage may be ending, but the family is not. As co-parents you and the other parent continue to share responsibility for leading your children to adulthood. 

You may have to make decisions together. Or, possibly, one parent has been given this authority solely - and accepting this reality is part of your journey. You and the other parent may have very different ideas about parenting, schedules, schools, holidays, finances, or what your children need. Communication that may have become unbearably difficult during the marriage can become even harder when trust has been damaged and emotions are running high. It’s critical to remain grounded and to manage your emotions during these important conversations. 

Children need parents who can keep their adult conflict separate from the job of being their parents. That doesn't mean pretending everything is fine or agreeing about everything. It means learning how to communicate on a different level: calmly and with focused attention upon the subject at hand.  

FINDING YOUR WAY

Divorce involves an extraordinary number of decisions for both yourself and possibly the children. The consequences of choices made in this moment can have an impact well beyond the divorce itself. 

You may be making decisions about where you will live, how parenting time will work, how you will communicate, or what you want your life to look like after the marriage ends. Some decisions may feel urgent. Others may require you to think about what will work not just now, but five or ten years from now.  

When you are hurt or frightened, it can be difficult to distinguish between what feels important in the moment and what will actually matter over time. The goal isn't to make every decision perfectly. It’s to make decisions that work best for everyone. 

lining up support

Because I am also a licensed attorney in Maryland and the District of Columbia, clients sometimes ask me questions that cross into legal territory. I am very clear about that boundary: therapy is not a substitute for legal advice. 

I encourage clients to work with their own attorney on legal questions and decisions related to their divorce. My role in therapy is different. I can help you understand the emotional experience you are having, think through what matters to you, recognize when emotions may be affecting your decision-making, and stay grounded as you navigate this difficult period in your life. 

Divorce can be one of the most destabilizing transitions a person and a family can experience. You don't have to navigate the emotional side of it alone. Therapy can give you a place to slow down, think clearly, and stay connected to the person and parent you want to be while you make decisions that will shape the next chapter of your life.

Divorce Counseling in NewTON, MA

1280 Centre St
#220
Newton, MA 02459

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