Divorce Counseling

Separation and divorce are significant life events that impact body, mind and soul. The reality is that no one makes a lifetime commitment to another with the idea that this will end in divorce. The concept of ever separating from that special person is inconceivable at that moment.  

Possibly there was a defining moment when you knew the marriage was over, such as revealing or learning about infidelity. Or maybe you and your partner had been struggling for some time. These difficulties may have been spoken, resulting in heated arguments. Or maybe there was just a cold, growing distance between you.  Both you and your partner may have attempted to ignore your lack of connection, hoping it would go away or resolve on its own.

You may have considered couples counseling but avoided making the call, thinking it would be too hard. Or maybe you gave it a try. But you found that talking about the issues in your particular case only raised more issues, caused more conflict and created more distance. When it got down to it, only one of you was really willing to work on the relationship. 

Despite all this, you may have found yourself in a state of shock upon learning that your partner actually wanted to separate. Soon thereafter you were likely swept into a continuous sea of emotions - sadness, anger, fear, confusion, anxiety. These feelings may vary minute to minute, depending upon what is going on around you. You may have good days and bad days. Then, in the midst of this emotional turmoil, you may be facing a seemingly endless new to do list that leaves you too exhausted to meet all of your ongoing, daily responsibilities.  

Even if you were the person who initiated the break-up, you may be finding that your physical and emotional health are not as good as they once were. While separation or divorce may have been on your mind for some time, you might still feel sadness, regret, guilt and resentment as you begin to take concrete steps towards dissolving the relationship.

It’s Common to Be Struggling During Separation

Virtually no one escapes the process of separation unmarked. Even people with the enviable “amicable split” will go through a period of personal crisis. The break-up of a committed relationship takes away your footing in the world. Until you find your next steps, the road before you will be filled with questions and uncertainty. You will worry about your finances, your future and your sanity. In your darkest moments you may wonder if you are going to make it through this.

Just as your first meeting and relationship with your soon-to-be-ex was like no other, letting go of each other will be a unique process. This very individual journey may take longer for some people than others. Some factors which may shape how long it takes for you to move forward to “the new you” would include:

· what prompted the divorce

· whether the decision to separate was mutual

· how long you and your former partner were together

· when the separation occurred in relation to other life events such significant illness

· what other losses you may be experiencing such as death of a relative or loss of a job

· whether there are adequate financial resources to support two residences

· how well co-parenting of any children is progressing

Counseling Can Help You Stay Grounded

Many people begin psychotherapy for the first time after separating from a significant other. They are tired of wearing out their friends and family members, talking about the same things over and over. But they just can’t soldier on without some support.  

Each person seeks support for their own unique wounds, needs and vulnerabilities. Developing a greater awareness of these unique parts of yourself will greatly assist you as you work towards your new uncoupled life. Regardless of the circumstances leading up to this moment, getting help and support at this time of turmoil is a sign of good health and sound mind.

In our work together you may naturally be drawn to focus on all the feelings that are making it tough to get through the day. Anxiety, sadness and anger can cloud your ability to think clearly. I can provide a neutral place where you can talk through your emotions freely, without fear of negative repercussion.

We can examine together how both you and your soon-to-be ex may have contributed to the sources of conflict in your relationship. Our purpose is not to place blame. Rather, we will be delving into the past to help you learn new strategies for better managing similar situations in the future.

Divorce coaching will also include supporting you through a court process that can bring its own set of challenges and unknowns. Preparing emotionally for important court dates will help you to keep yourself together at these critical moments. You will be called upon to remain calm, cool, and focused. You may have to face your former partner for the first time with or without an attorney at your side. You will need to find your own voice in hearings or mediation sessions in order to participate fully in important decisions. 

Perhaps You Still Have Some Lingering Questions:

What is your level of experience in working with clients experiencing divorce?

My past work experience in the family court system enables me to walk this path with my clients in a unique manner. I have assisted literally hundreds of individuals as they muddled through this process and emerged on the other side into a new life. I can help you too.

Am I Going to Have to Talk About My Childhood?

In our work together we will often be focusing on what is happening right now. However, we also will, on occasion, talk about past life events if they are relevant to the present. In some instances your own childhood experiences may provide you with valuable insights into how you came to partner with your ex and how you can make different choices going forward.

Will the Court or My Friends Think I am “Crazy” If I Work With A Divorce Coach?

Your anxiety about the separation or divorce may lead you to think that other important people in your life will make negative assumptions about you if you seek support from a mental health professional during your divorce. By focusing on others rather than yourself, though, you may unwittingly create larger problems and issues to deal with later. 

Ready To Talk?

I understand that each day you are faced with new situations, decisions and problems. I hear your worries that your choices have a ripple effect upon your children, friends and family members. I can help you through this challenging season in your life.

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