Mothering Through the Postpartum
Sometimes it all just gets to us. We know something needs to change but we don’t know where to start. We may feel overwhelmed by the well-intended advice of family and friends. We may just plain not know where to start.
In times like this, having a written list can help. Here are some tips for weathering the ups and downs of the postpartum season, and coming out on the other side stronger and more empowered:
Small Tweaks
· Develop go-to routines on days you are feeling well, or at least better. Prepare on “good days” for those “bad days.” Your routines will be different from what other mothers do, and maybe even different this time from what you have done with older children. Even within a family, two children can be vastly different in their tolerances and preferences. However, a general go-to plan for your day can give you something to hold onto when you’re having a rough day. At these times, the less you have to think and plan, the better.
· If you are having a “bad day,” use your “go-to” routine. This is where autopilot can save you. Using your “go-to” to get through a tough day is smart mothering. Reduce extras. You will get there. Try to take on as little as possible.
· Do what feels right for you and your baby on any given day. No doubt you’ve heard about mother’s intuition. You’ve got it now. Say you were planning a particular outing on Friday afternoon. All morning, the baby is fussy. You are tearful. It wasn’t a good night, and it’s been a rough morning. It’s ok to take it all in and switch to autopilot.
· Take your time ramping up to full speed. Keep in mind that mothering is a marathon, not a sprint. There’s no award for crossing the finish line first. So pace yourself, and use your “go-to” routine when needed.
bigger steps
Now, if your “go-to” stretches into days or weeks then - in addition to talking to your doctor or seeking some emotional support from friends, family, or mental health counselor - you need to really push yourself on my next few guidelines:
· Try to leave the house every day. The outing need not be elaborate. A trip to the pharmacy for ibuprofen. A run to the grocery store for milk. A walk up and down the block with the baby in the stroller. It really doesn’t matter what you do. Just go out. Once.
· At least every couple of day, try to make sure you talk to another adult besides your partner. You get extra points for adding conversation with another adult or exercise in any form to a daily outing. Again, the plan need not be elaborate. Take your walks in the same general area around the same time every day and maybe you’ll find yourself encountering a friendly face. Go by a playground and see if anybody’s there. Talk to another mom in the waiting area at the doctor’s office (even if talking in the waiting area is something you never would have done before you had a baby). You may find as you are out and about that a baby is a natural ice-breaker. The conversations may begin similarly, along the lines of “So cute, how old is she?” or “Oh, he’s getting so big.” If you allow it, this can open the door to simple chit-chat that can brighten your day. You don’t have to talk about anything too personal. And, for a minute, you might not feel so alone.
· Make room for basic self-care. Yes, you need that regular shower. Protein and vegetables are a must. Drink up, particularly if you are breastfeeding. Enlist support from your partner to get a few minutes to yourself each day. And surely you have heard the advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps.”
· Once a week do one thing that is special for you: Do your nails, get your hair cut, or treat yourself to something sweet. Just one little thing that is all for you.
Most Importantly
· Reach for help if none of this helps.
Call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC -MAMA