When silence is used to manage conflict in an intimate partnership, misunderstanding and increased emotional distance are likely. Stonewalling in relationships can also cause one or both partners to experience anxiety or depression, and may lead ultimately to separation.
Technology enables moms to multitask more easily but more is expected of modern parents. Even in households espousing gender equality, women tend to take on more of the childcare and household responsibilities, as well as the corresponding mental load. Dads can ease this burden by taking more initiative and following through.
Being on your phone instead of listening when your partner is speaking as well using phones and cameras to monitor your partner’s activities are examples of how technology enters relationships. Our phones and other devices can interfere with intimacy and also help us avoid difficult conversations.
Motherhood is often not what we understood or imagined it would be based upon our observations of our own mothers. While growing up, we often failed to see the behind the scenes work and effort that we now experience first hand.
For couples, having a shared, overarching parenting style greatly reduces opportunities for conflict. Children, in turn, benefit from the safety and security that a “united front” provides. Taking the time to discuss parenting issues as they arise can be a the pathway to preserving the relationship despite disagreements about parenting.
“Living together” is not an isolated event. It is an ongoing process. Sharing living space as a couple takes effort at all stages of your relationship. It is easy to lose sight of this and assume living together will work just because it has in the past. Couples who live together in harmony regularly and openly discuss their expectations for each other as lovers and roommates.
Couples counseling can provide an opportunity to create a different kind of relationship. By admitting that help is needed and acknowledging the failure to meet the expectation of perfection of our culture and others around you, there is an opportunity to return to that initial moment: The moment of being chosen. And to start over.
