The return to work after maternity leave is an important transition that involves organizational tasks and a mix of emotions. Taking the time to process feelings will help you feel more grounded in the office.
As mothers we are biologically programmed to take care of the needs of everyone in the family. But we need to make space for taking good care of ourselves too. This starts with assuring our basic needs are met everyday.
Technology enables moms to multitask more easily but more is expected of modern parents. Even in households espousing gender equality, women tend to take on more of the childcare and household responsibilities, as well as the corresponding mental load. Dads can ease this burden by taking more initiative and following through.
Motherhood is often not what we understood or imagined it would be based upon our observations of our own mothers. While growing up, we often failed to see the behind the scenes work and effort that we now experience first hand.
Our societal image of motherhood as blissful and brimming with joyful moments puts unnecessary pressure on new mothers. If you take a step back and really look at the postpartum, it is possible to see that the concept of perfect mothering is simply ludicrous on its face. Every step of motherhood is a lesson in on the job training.
For many new mothers, the excitement of the birth is overshadowed by a sense of loss in the postpartum. Some mothers miss being pregnant. Others feel the loss of certain aspects of their life before the baby including the ability to focus on career, the capacity to meet up spontaneously with friends and the intimacy in their relationships.
We need to believe in our relationships that we are truly loved for who we are, at the core of who we are. A love that is founded on money, prestige or power is a relationship lacking trust at its foundation. By contrast, a relationship in which we feel that our partner sees all, accepts all and loves all is rooted in trust.
Couples counseling can provide an opportunity to create a different kind of relationship. By admitting that help is needed and acknowledging the failure to meet the expectation of perfection of our culture and others around you, there is an opportunity to return to that initial moment: The moment of being chosen. And to start over.
